Opening My Mind to Find Myself

At first, it was just a number. 333. I kept seeing it—on the clock, in random places, and sometimes in moments when I least expected it.

It was subtle—easy to overlook at first—but as time went on, it became harder to ignore.

At first, I didn’t think much of it, but the more I saw it, the harder it became to ignore. I mentioned it to my husband, laughing it off like it was just a strange coincidence.

We both knew that sometimes I felt “intuitive” about things—maybe even a little psychic, as I liked to joke—but it was never anything more than that. I’d sense when things were off, or have a hunch about something, but I never really gave it much weight. Just a weird, silly part of life.

But then, something strange happened: Brandon started seeing 333 too. Not just once or twice, but often, everywhere.

A Turning Point

It started happening so often, for weeks and weeks, that I went from laughing it off to "Okay, I can't deny this anymore—what in the world is happening?"

So I googled “Why do I keep seeing 333?” and it led me to an article about how repeating numbers can be signs from the universe. Gentle nudges from a higher power. Guiding and reassuring us.

I had never even heard of angel numbers before. I didn’t know anything about spirit guides, synchronicities, or signs from the universe, but I was so intrigued.

Then, I read a sentence that struck me. It spoke to a deep wound I had been carrying, one I had been painfully aware of, but never knew how to heal.

“It’s this very loving hug or wink from the universe that you’re going to be OK.”

I wasn’t OK. I hadn’t been for a long time. I had been quietly suffering for years—trapped in a life that drained me, doing work I hated, trying to keep up with expectations that never felt like mine. I was exhausted. I had spent so much time trying to be who I thought I was supposed to be that I lost any real sense of who I actually was.

Nothing excited me. Nothing felt fulfilling.

And yet, no one would have known. If you saw me, if we had a conversation, you wouldn’t have guessed how much I was struggling. I smiled, I showed up, I did what I was supposed to do. But inside, I felt like I was drowning.

I was surrounded by people I loved, but I had never felt more alone. No one could see how hard I was trying—how much effort it took just to get through the day.

And as a mom, that weight was even heavier. Too depleted, too overwhelmed, too lost in my own head to be the kind of mother I wanted to be. The guilt was constant, and it felt like no matter how much I gave, it was never enough.

I could never get ahead, never catch a break, never shake the feeling that I was failing.

Life felt unbearably heavy. Some days, too heavy. I was in survival mode and I didn't know how to get out.

Reading those words at that point in my life—desperate for something more, deeply unhappy, and unsure of myself or my path—it felt like something external was acknowledging my suffering. Like something saw me. Like something knew. Reassuring me that everything is alright.

“It’s this very loving hug or wink from the universe that you’re going to be OK.”

I wasn’t a religious person, but I always had this feeling that some sort of higher power was out there. I didn’t know what. I never really gave it much thought. I believed in the paranormal to some extent, so the idea of something beyond this world wasn’t completely out of reach—but even then, it felt too far removed from what I thought was possible. It just didn’t fit into the version of reality I had always known.

What if there really was something trying to reach me? Something that saw the true extent of my pain, that wanted to help? What if I wasn’t as alone as I felt?

It was the first time I seriously considered that something otherworldly could be real. I had felt gut instincts before, noticed strange coincidences, but this was different. This was the first time I didn't ignore it. I wanted to know more.

This was the moment I made the conscious choice to look deeper, to stop disregarding what I was experiencing and start exploring what it could mean.

The Pursuit

It became a journey of self-discovery: What do I believe? What matters most to me? Why do certain things happen? How is it all connected? How can I be the best version of myself?

My perspective shifted, and so did my daily life. I started paying more attention and questioning the reality I had always assumed to be true.

I kept exploring—reading, reflecting, and becoming more aware. The more I opened myself to the possibility, the more these experiences found their way into my life. Even while stuck in the same struggles, I could feel myself shifting and slowly finding new ways to grow.

This led me to deeper beliefs and new perspectives, but it all began with a willingness to see things differently.

I didn’t wake up one day a different person. But looking back, I see that I’m not who I used to be. I'm no longer disconnected from everything.

From myself.

From purpose.

From anything beyond just getting through the day.

And now my entire life, my entire self, has transformed so completely that it doesn’t feel real.

I’m not saying I’ve unlocked all the secrets of the universe, but what I did find has changed my life for the better.

I still struggle, especially now that I’ve lost my dad.

There are times when the grief feels unbearable, like it might swallow me whole. But even in those moments, I don’t feel the same hopelessness I once did.

Seeing those angel numbers led me to the belief system that is getting me through this unbearable loss.

I no longer question. I know. He is not gone forever. I still feel him. I still hear him. It’s just different now.

This darkness isn’t like the one I knew before. That darkness was empty. It felt like falling into nothingness, like there was no meaning, no reason, no way out.

This darkness has weight, but it’s not hollow. It’s filled with love, memory, and presence. It hurts, but I’m not lost.

Listening to the Lessons

It’s surreal to think that one small moment—one choice to stay open rather than dismiss something—changed everything. 333 found me because I was meant to see it. Because I needed to see it.

Sure, there are times when signs can be “explained,” and I’m not saying ghosts are moving objects or controlling what we do. What I am saying is that spirit uses the natural world around us to communicate. It doesn’t matter how these signs appear—what matters is the message they carry.

And for me, that message was a feeling of hope and a deep connection to something bigger than myself. At the time, I thought it was simply helping me find my way. I didn’t realize it was preparing me for the heartbreak that comes with losing someone you love.

There’s so much more to this story. So many moments, lessons, and things I never thought possible until I lived them.

If any of this resonates with you, I hope you’ll keep reading. Because that’s what I want to share. How to trust what you’re experiencing. How to navigate the dark moments without feeling lost or alone.

You don't need all the answers. It’s about awareness. About paying attention. About realizing that maybe, just maybe, there’s more than what we’ve been taught to see. Maybe now is the time to start listening.

All my love,