Not All Birds of a Feather Should Flock Together

I learned the hard way that not all spiritual people are safe to open up to.

There’s a metaphysical shop in my town that I’d been admiring from afar for quite some time.

My dad had died weeks prior, and I was still extremely raw, having just gone through the darkest point in my life. I had leaned heavily on spirituality to get myself through it.

I was a little nervous going in. I live in a conservative part of America, and spirituality is not something that’s openly discussed outside of a certain religion.

I remember being so excited, thinking I finally found my people. I was looking to find a sense of belonging. Trying to find other people like me out in the wild.

I felt like a baby deer, poking my head out to see what was around. But instead of being openly embraced and welcomed, the owner was incredibly rude to me. Even after I’d shared a little bit about why I was there, putting myself in an extremely vulnerable position.

I went back over the holiday season. I understand everybody can have bad days and chalked it up to that.

This time, I was specifically shopping for supplies to do the 12 Magical Nights ritual. I hadn’t done it before. I’m still fairly new to my practice. As I was checking out, I couldn’t remember if I needed 12 or 13 candles.

Now I have a history of shrinking myself. I am a recovering people pleaser. But I thought, “No, I really want to do this. I’m just gonna ask a question to see if he knows.” As silly as it sounds, I was uncomfortable asking a simple question.

He quickly reminded me why I have that little voice in my head that tells me to stay small.

Instead of just saying that he didn’t know, he froze, gave me a look of disgust, and said “I don’t know what the fuck that is, must be new.”

Embarrassment washed over me. He made me feel so small. So stupid. I paid for my stuff and left as quickly as I could. I should have put my things back and walked out, but I haven’t gotten to that phase of my healing yet.

Also - no, it’s not new. That ritual is literally thousands of years old….

Yeah, maybe I was naïve. I can’t expect a group of people to all behave a certain way. That’s silly, I know that.

But I’ve seen this amazing spiritual community on social media. I’ve turned to them while trying to rebuild my life. While trying to figure out who I am in this world, after a pillar of my identity was taken from me.

Grief and loss can be a very isolating place.

But I do expect other people to treat me respectfully. Especially if I’m supporting their small business. It doesn’t make sense. I’m not going to try to make it make sense anymore, either.

It did hurt my feelings, but I know my self-worth enough to realize that those are just not my people. I’ll find my community elsewhere, even if it is online.

I’m grateful to have gotten to a place where I no longer dwell on situations like these. I know that was a him problem, not a me problem. Don’t settle for the company you keep. Surround yourself with people who build you up instead of tear you down.

And another thing, cliché as it may be, you never know what other people are going through. Just be nice. It’s really not that hard.